Just unbutton your pants

Posted 10/14/20

People are talking about COVID-19 and often they say something clever. I browsed Pinterest and Instagram to come up with a few thought provoking quotes, as well as a few dumb ones. Please allow me to paraphrase some for your reading pleasure. If you

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Just unbutton your pants

Posted

People are talking about COVID-19 and often they say something clever. I browsed Pinterest and Instagram to come up with a few thought provoking quotes, as well as a few dumb ones. Please allow me to paraphrase some for your reading pleasure.

If you would like to know how it feels to be in the hospitality business during this Coronavirus epidemic, remember when the Titanic was sinking and the band continued to play as the passengers slipped off the ship into the water? Well, we are the band.

Everyone is quarantined to their houses with nothing creative to do. That is, until 9 months from now when there will be a baby boom. We will call them Coronials.

Our dogs are sitting around bemused at people wearing masks thinking now they know what it feels like to be muzzled.

Going out in public right now is like having unprotected sex. Sure they LOOK fine … but you don’t know who they have been with.

They said a mask and gloves were enough to go to the grocery store. They lied. Everyone else was also wearing clothing.

Corona virus has turned us all into dogs. We roam the house looking for food. We’re told “NO!” if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about walks and car rides.

If you mix Tabasco sauce in with your hand sanitizer, it will not only kill germs, but will also teach you not to touch your face and eyes.

The virus has done what no woman had been able to do…cancel all sports, shutdown all bars and keep the husbands at home.

It is pretty wild that at birthday parties we used to eat the cake after someone had blown on it.

Every disaster movie starts with the government ignoring a scientist.

Dear people who are hoarding 50 bottles of sanitizer leaving the supermarket shelves bare; don’t you realize that in order to stop the spread of the virus OTHER people need to use the sanitizer also?

I am getting tired of being a part of a major historical event.

My body has absorbed so much soap and sanitizer that when I pee, it cleans the toilet.

At the store there was a big X where I should stand. I wasn’t going to fall for THAT trick, I’ve seen too many Road Runner cartoons.

Stay inside, isolate, practice social distancing and keep yourself very clean. Oh, dear! We have turned into cats!

All of these years I have attributed the messy condition of my house to the fact that I didn’t have the time to clean. After all of these months in quarantine, I realized that that is not the problem.

The World Health Organization announced that dogs cannot contract COVID-19. Dogs previously quarantined will be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.

Finland just closed its borders. Now no one will be able to cross the finish line.

John Travolta was hospitalized for suspected Coronavirus, but doctors soon realized that it was only a Saturday Night Fever and he will be Staying Alive.

I wish the Coronavirus started in Las Vegas because what happens in Vegas STAYS in Vegas.

Why can’t ants get the Coronavirus? Because they have little anty-bodies.

My favorite joke, because it is true: at first I thought I had COVID because I couldn’t breath, but then I unbuttoned my pants.

Life Matters, pants

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