Life Matters

Fashion trends for the fashion deprived

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Frugality was imprinted on my brain during my childhood and it drives my fashion sense today. Something is fashionable if it is 90 percent off and it fits. As a result, I have a wardrobe that is mismatched and thrown together on a whim.  Most often, I can find something that kind of matches.  Most of my shirts are blue, black or brown prints. My favorite shirt is what I call my “happy shirt.” It is brightly multi-colored swirls of red, yellow, green, blue and purple with a happy butterfly strewn across the chest. If I feel sad that shirt never fails to cheers me up. It matches any color of pants, so I don’t have to spend much time actually matching it, whatever pants happen to be clean and non-wrinkled are perfect!

As much difficulty as I have matching clothes, I have more difficulty matching socks.  My advice to others with large families has always been to buy one particular color and style of sock for each person in the family. Angel has short black ones, Hubby has tall white ones, Steven has tall black ones, and Marie has short white ones. They are easy to match and easy to dispense to the appropriate family member. Sounds easy, right?  A piece of cake, except for the fact that my frugality overrides my own advice.  My own socks are purchased at a deep discount at stores like Marshall’s and Job Lot. They always come in a cute package with a bow, and contain four pairs of patterned socks, color coordinated. For example; gray and black stripes, gray and black circles, gray and black diamonds and a plain black pair for good measure. A wide variety of different colored socks, acquired in this manner, sit idly in my drawer waiting to be chosen. Thinking ahead, at least 2 packages are purchased each time. That way, if one sock strays away, there are two other matching socks. The problem is, the dryer eats a sock, or one is dragged away by the dog, or gets used by one of my children as a cleaning rag, or (who knows?), is zapped away by aliens to line their spaceships. My clever plan has backfired and the occupants of the drawer are single, unmatched socks. I have no choice but to match a pair as best as possible. A gray and black striped sock is paired with a gray and black diamond sock thus creating a new fashion trend that I may have plagiarized from the adolescents. Yes, I tell everyone, I meant to wear two different socks!

Another fashion trend among “women my age” has been to show a little more cleavage than usual. Such women are admired as they proudly prove that their body parts are just as lively and vital as younger women, (if properly contained in a form fitting bra, of course.) Being more prudish, this trend is not something I embrace. Recently bending over to pick something up from the floor, I happened to glance back at my body and noticed that my pretty, multi-colored top had gravitated down a few inches, and my bra and its contents were on display. Oops! The realization that inadvertently my “puppies” are visible to others was quite a shock. It was even more of a shock to realize that when bending over to dispense communion to the children at church, my top would perform a similar maneuver, affording a clear view for everyone. Double oops! Now, cognizant of this fact, my new technique is to squat down eye level with the children; stand up for the adults, crouch down for the children. Not only is it a safer fashion trend, but it also turns out to be great exercise!

One of the most important things my life needs is to have comfy feet. Women who wear high heels always look awesome and are admired. They have such fortitude to be able to tolerate such an uncomfortable foot position. I admit my selfishness in caring more about soothing my own feet than in looking awesome. My shoes are flat, ugly, unfeminine, and comfortable, and so are my feet. (Yes, they are flat, ugly, unfeminine but comfortable.) My major hypothesis is that having comfortable feet creates a comfortable me. Being comfortable creates a cheery feeling that makes me happy. Therefore, I smile all day. What better fashion trend is there than a smile?

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